A has this resigned little way of saying that, and it just breaks my heart. My being here has been very hard on him. It's difficult for me, and I miss him too, but it's definitely harder on him.
I asked him if he'd prefer that I came home for July/August and traveled September/November instead of coming home for August and traveling in July and September.
A: Hi baby. About your idea: of course it would be wonderful if you were home in just over 3 months. Of course it’d be great if you were here in July and August. But the idea of watching you leave again for another 2 months is so freaking depressing that don’t know what’s better. So you decide.
Today I asked him to tell me two nice things. This a habit I've developed because it's a way to insist that he tells me about the parts of his daily life that meant something to him but that he resists mentioning because he thinks they are too boring (and because it helps keep our conversations more positive and fun).
A: 1) i love you 2) i love you A LOT
me: Two nice things that have nothing to do with me. :)
A: all positive events in my life are related to you
A is a very direct, baldly honest person. He is extremely matter-of-fact about everything. So these incredibly sweet things he says? They're not meant to be flattering. They're not delivered with cheeky winks. He has looked at the situation, weighed all the facts, and reasoned that, in fact, (with the exception of getting progress reports on the readying of his new car) all the positive events in his life really are related to me. I'm sure, had he spoken thees words, they would have been delivered with the same feeling that you or I would use to say, "There are pencils on the desk."
Which makes the sentiment all the more powerful. He really, really means it. I am so lucky to have such a sweet boy to whom I matter SO much.
And I am the worst girlfriend in the world to put him through this.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment